This Demon is all weirded out by the new Blogger layout. Nothing looks familiar anymore. It's like .... like ... a palm tree in the middle of Highway 17 going through town. Just strange and out of place. What do I do now?

Silly question, I do what I'm doing right now of course.
oh pardon me ...

Had an Accident This Morning
And it could happen to any of us. Raider caught his collar on a loosened piece of the chainlink fence and nearly strangled himself. Having just let the three of them out for the morning potty break, and started to get the kids ready for school, it would have been another fifteen minutes before I went out with them. It took only two minutes before he caught himself, and he's a very lucky dog (so am I) that he has two brothers to set up a howling when one is in trouble.

This just demonstrates the importance of fence maintenance, and of keeping an eye on your dogs when they play outside, even if theft doesn't concern you. I just came back in from snipping all the "hooked" ends off the chainlink fence ... hopefully it doesn't fall apart now. Even if it does, oh well. We are pulling it out this summer to replace it with a good sturdy wooden fence. I'll be happy to see it go.

Something seriously abnormal is going on here. Yesterday I weighed in at 143 (8 pounds past my normal weight) and today I am 148.5. I swear I ate NOTHING (but yogurt, and a couple of tea cookies ... okay, a dozen) today. Time to go jogging in the mortal world with the Hell Hounds.

I R Dumb.
I blew off my demonic diet because this pathetic, weak-willed Demon has a fondness for food. And now this Demon has packed on a whopping 15 pounds in a week. Ooops. But just LOOK at the energy all that food gave me!
I cleaned my cave!
I moved my furniture around!
I wrote about death and destruction!
I'm typing on this silly thing again!
Therefore the Demon decrees - No Diet is an Evil thing. And all things Evil must be done by Demon.

Oh crap. It just occurred to me that today is Friday. More than that, it's the Fridayy that marks the end of lazing about in the cavern during the daylight as the Minions return the Realm of Dark Knowledge in afew short days. This means that I must avail myself of the Light again. I hate daylight.

I'm joining the Friday Five Flock, so here we go:

If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? - French Cuisine
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? - Books
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? - Fantasy or Reference
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? - Creative Arts
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? - Heavy Metal

I was so evil yesterday that my hair curled.
It better stay that way for at least three months this time.
Not three days like last time.

Making a firm decision to put off the rest of the housework has already had a positive effect on me. I wrote an entry for the Disease Guide without even noticing. Ha. Now that's skill! I was only putting the index pages together when I decided that I was missing one entry. So I wrote it. Now if I can just pull this off for the rest of the 1200 or so entries. Yeah right. even my great and powerful evil darkness might be stretched a bit thin trying that.

In other Evil News ...
Demons simply can not sing well when they have stuffed up noses. If I was singing Billy Idol I might get away with it ... but Blondie? No I don't think so. I'm loading up my Media Player with an all men-with-deep-voices playlist so I can pretend I'm doing it on purpose. The Minions are giving me strange looks, but I have ceased to care.

Am I free now? Have the chains of housework finally released me to be me yet?
No, not yet. But I'm struggling for all I am worth!
Okay, really I'm just putting it off so I can do other things I have been putting off, like the Diseases and Conditions guide I started and put off for ... oh ... about 18 months now.

Two weeks since I've updated. Think it's been long enough? My scant defense is that it's been spring-cleaning tme here, and vacuuming furballs, washing walls and scrubbing floors leaves little energyu for creative blogging, or any kind of creativity for that matter, work has suffered too. I'm sure that once I finish I'll be back in full force. I'll finish tomorrow ... maybe. There's not that much left to do really, I'm just very tired of doing so I have hereby dubbed myself : Demon - the Master Procrastinator.

*sniff sniff*
The scent of spring is warming the air around my domain and for not much longer will it resemble Cocytus. The Hell Hounds entice me out into the melting snow, and attempt to bury me under the wetness. Not likely, says I, the great Demon. The Hell Houndsfeel my wrath at their dirty (soggy?) tricks as I pelt them with snowballs.

The minions engage in something termed "puddle-jumping", in which a being leaps high and attempts to soak his companion with mud and slush that is propelled into the air by the force of his landing. I laugh at their antics and wait to teach them never to turn their backs on a foe, lest a soggy ball of snow thump them on the back of their heads.

Somebody has invaded the Demon's domain. I'm unsure how I feel about this, but I'm fond of this mortal (she spawned my Incubus) so I guess I shall be pleased with her company. She entertains my minions and turns my dreaded Hell Hounds into ... *gasp* ... cuddly lap dogs though.

Oooh I'm a happy Demon, having just secured tickets for myself and a fellow demonic one to see Metallica in May. Someday, I hope to bring my oldest minion with me on one of annual concert trips, but this would be a bad one to start with. Hopefully next year, or even later in the year, we'll be able to catch a better one.

Hooray! My day was spent at the mortal artist's place of interaction again, and finally, after much waiting, my dragon is etched completely under my skin. Photos shall be shown as soon as the film developes.

The vile apparel pile has been vanquished!
All hail the great and powerful Demon!

I'm still battling the vile apparel pile, but reinforcements have arrived. The Dark Lord who spawned this Demon has come in response to my call for help. The Incubus is also returned. They are currently cataloguing weapons of minour destruction and tools of the demonic trade. These tools and weapons have succeeded in reducing the available space the vile apparel pile (VAP) has to occupy. I am unsure how this will help in the long run, but they assure me that "all will be well, just keep the laundry going". I guess they are engaged in weakening the VAP's hold on my porch, by bringing in mass amounts of other stuff to take up space.

In between letting the imps in the white box thrash laundry from the VAP, I am engaged in creating sustenance for the Incubus and the Dark Lord. They consume great amounts of dark liquid made from beans found in the mortal realm. Soon it will be time to hunt for sustenance for my minions as well.

It's daylight again! The vile apparel has now been reduced to a fraction of it's former glory. I knew it would not be able to hold out against the great Demon of Darkness that is I! My minions are gathering, getting ready to go and cavort in the outer reaches of the realm. In the snow. Crazy minions.

My incubus is on his way home. His conveyance ran out of fuel an hour away late last evening, and there was no way to replenish it. But he will be home shortly now. I had better go and finish off the apparel pile before he returns.

I have successfully reduced the pile of nasty apparel to half it's former glory. With great diligence, I may yet prevail. The incubus will not be pleased to find that his Demon's domain was nearly overshadowed by something with such a silly name as "laundry" (I learned it's name while reading a mortal's 'Ramblings').

Five hours and counting until my Incubus returns to my side. What else should be done before then? Eating utensils are being cleaned as I type, minions are comatose in their dungeons, HellHounds have been fed and are now guarding the minions (all but one, lazy-ass Hound, he's taken up residence on the lounging furniture). Perhaps I should employ that mechanical imp, Kenmore, to clean the floors again. Or I'll just go join my lazy Hound with a scroll to read.

More of that bloody white stuff. I think I need to convince the Incubus that the minions and I would be less evil if we lived in a warmer realm. Speaking of .... he shall be returning to me late tonight, with toys. Woodworking toys, not the other kind of toys, though I know well what Incubuses (Incubi?) do for a living.

I was bored this daylight. I reordered the minions' dungeons, and investigated several strange items of apparel that mortals cover themselves in. These things appear to multiply rapidly, and are determined to take over my porch. Leave just one item out, and when I next return to that area of my domain, there are dozens more. The pile had spread clear across the floor and attained a scarey height, rival to my own, but I shall perservere and beat back these vile garments.

The only way they can be beaten it seems, is to shove them inside a large white box, and allow the spawn within to wring the apparel senseless. I tried to catch the spawn in action, being the nosey Demon that I am, but they must have heard me coming, for they abandoned their victims to lie in a soggy, clear-coloured blood-soaked heap. As soon as I closed the lid, the sounds of thrashing resumed, and the spawn returned to their vicious task.

He left me. I chased my Incubus away with all my evilness. Oh well. He'll be back Sunday. And he's bringing a sacrifice. One for now (woodworking tools) and one or later in the spring (a '93 Jeep YJ Renegade, woohoo!). Good-bye Betsy the Ford, you served us well, but you eat too much.